I Hate That I Love You
by Ms. AJ Ninja
Summary: Lily hated that she noticed James hasn't asked her out in ages. She hated that she felt frustrated and slightly put out at the fact. But mostly, she hated that she's beginning to like him. Dammit.


**Author's Notes:** **A short oneshot that shows Lily's feelings on James from her fifth year to the beginning of her seventh. Wow, I've just been spitting these oneshots out like crazy :3 Title slightly (okay a lot) based on Rihanna's old song.**

 **Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **This is also on Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown[.org]/works/5324441 (take out brackets)**

 ***This was posted on Ao3 first Dec. 01 2015**

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Merlin, James ruined everything for her. She didn't even know what had happened. For the first four years at Hogwarts he had always been such an arrogant prick, but after the incident with Sev— _Snape_ , he's toned it down a bit. And they've been getting to know each other better, and Lily couldn't help it. She actually began to like him.

It wasn't hard to do so anyway, with his gorgeous smile, never-ending wits, and just such a wonderful laugh, no wonder she fell so hard. Underneath all that bravado, he's a sweet man who loves his parents, who has unfailing loyalties towards his friends, who is just a loving, caring person.

Something must've happened over the summer break, since he was suddenly maturing. He stopped asking her out sixth year. He _stopped_ just when Lily was ready to accept when he would ask again. She waited for weeks and she naïvely thought that he might've just wanted to stay with his friends during the first few Hogsmeade visits. But then the last visit of the term grew closer and Lily was anxiously bouncing her leg up and down much to the dismay of those sitting next to her.

She waited for maybe a big showcase and after a few hours she thought that maybe he'd want to ask her privately, so she sat in a the common room for her to be easily noticed. Then James and his friends came bursting through, laughing and smiling, before he waved at her and bounded up the staircase.

The next day — the day before the visit— Lily went to breakfast, the last vestiges of her hope slowly dwindling. She watched as they came through, all dramatic and so _them_. Her eyes were fixated on him as he turned towards the Ravenclaw Head Girl, Artemis Drow, and shyly asked her out. The beautiful girl giggled and nodded, accepting his invitation. Merlin, Drow had the intelligence to do what she should have done ages ago.

Suddenly, her appetite was lost and the food she was chewing felt like lead in her mouth. She swallowed thickly and stared helplessly at her fingers that twined itself in her lap. Lily looked up and saw the sympathetic expression Remus gave her, before he squeezed her shoulder gently and left. She shut her eyes, willing the moisture in them to go away because it was her fault that she didn't accept it sooner. She has no right to feel like this. If he had just stayed his usual cocky self maybe she wouldn't be feeling like she was ran over by the Knight's Bus.

She was glad to go home for the holidays that year, glad to forget the worries and focus on Tuney's frank disgust of her magic (or as she aptly calls it: "her freakishness") and her parents' smothering.

James and Drow, much to her consternation, stayed together for five more heartbreaking months, splitting up around the beginnings of May. She was secretly joyful, but that made her feel even guiltier. She shouldn't feel such a cruel satisfaction at their misery. Lily was ready to go and ask him out herself, but she had waited to long and then final exams neared so she put all of that aside. She never got the time to ask him out again, since school ended.

Over summer, Lily psyched herself up to get her Gryffindor courage and ask him out when first term started up again. She passed the barrier, quickly checking down to see if the Head Girl's badge was still there and not a figment of her imagination, and searched for the unruly mop of hair that usually was accompanied by a body named James Potter.

She bumped into Sirius and Remus during her search and immediately blushed as she saw what they were doing.

"Um, God, I'm so sorry," she rambled as she covered her eyes from the apparent nakedness on display in front of her. Well the female population would be happy to know that both non-bachelors were rather, erm, well-endowed. Sirius chuckled and said joyfully, "It's no problem at all, Lily-love."

Remus snorted and told her, "You can open your eyes now. It's safe."

Lily slowly moved her hands from her face, cheeks still coloured a light pink, as her eyes tried not to stare at their still naked chests. But then Lily caught sight of the newly formed, large, red scar on Remus's abdomen and gasped. Her hands fluttered over it and she exclaimed, "Remus! What happened? Are you okay? Is it because of your—" Her mouth slammed shut and Remus smiled softly at her, his pale green eyes alight with a warm glow.

"Simmer down there, Lily-love. Moony, do you want to tell her the details?" Sirius comforted her.

Remus nodded and recounted his last transformation, which was particularly nasty that time. Lily frowned and gave him a hug, careful to not aggravate his wound.

"So what were you trying to look for anyway?" asked Remus. Lily's eyes widened; that's what she totally forgot.

"I was looking for James, have you seen him?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow and buttoned up his shirt as he teased, "Finally realised that he's the only one for you?"

"Yes," responded Lily truthfully and Sirius barked out a laugh.

"Oh, Merlin's beard you're serious, aren't you?" he muttered. Lily grinned cheekily and retorted, "No that's you."

"Oi! It's only funny when I do it," Sirius exclaimed while mussing up her hair. She rolled her eyes and looked at Remus.

Remus smiled and said, "He was by the prefects compartment the last time I checked."

"Thanks, Remus. You're the best." Lily sighed in relief and went to the door before turning back to give Sirius a quick hug and a kiss on Remus's cheek. As she tumbled out she heard Sirius's yell of, "That's my man you're putting your lips on!" and the sound of a hand smacking skin. She chuckled and strode towards her intended destination. The sight of a large, tan figure with broad shoulders and unmistakable black hair caught her gaze. Her already hurried pace, sped up into a slow jog until she reached him.

James stared at her questioningly, eyebrows raised, and eyes full of mirth. "Yes?"

The glint of the gold badge distracted her thoughts. _HB_ was emblazoned on it, glimmering prettily in the morning sunlight that was peaking through the curtains of the compartment. She almost squeaked, " _You're_ Head Boy?"

James laughed. "My reaction exactly, Lily. I think Dumbledore's finally gone off his rockers." The beatific smile on his face clearly did something to her as her insides felt like mush. "So why'd you come here running as if a hippogriff was at your heel?"

"I was just, umm, looking for you," she started, her courage slowly fading under his penetrative stare. She sighed, got her bearings back together, and steeled herself up for any kind of reaction, rejection or otherwise (Merlin, let it be the latter). "Go out with me, Potter."

James' mouth sort of fell open and he stood like that for a few long moments. Just when Lily was about to awkwardly leave, he gently grabbed her arm and mumbled, "Please tell me you're not joking? I don't think I could handle that."

All her worries eased and she gently took his hand in his and kissed him softly on the lips, relishing in the rush of warmth and comfort it gave her. She stared into hazel eyes that carried gold flecks while her lips quirked up into a large smile. "Not at all."

"Thank, Merlin," sighed James, relieved before bringing their bodies closer together and kissing her again. Their lips gently pulled apart and James opened his hazel eyes, glazed in joy. "I've been waiting for years."

"I _was_ waiting for you to ask me last year, since you decided not to be such a pretentious git," added Lily, one hand perched on her hip.

James grinned sheepishly. "I didn't want to overwhelm you. I thought I would get over you if I dated someone else, but it didn't really work out that well."

She laughed and brought him into a second kiss. And a third kiss. And a fourth kiss… well, suffice to say, they met the prefects with bruised lips and goofy smiles.


End file.
